i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
