The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
