What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
