have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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