WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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