I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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