Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
