I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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