Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
