i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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