Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
