so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
