Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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