never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
