Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize