The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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