My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
