I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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