even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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