No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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