I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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