Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
