You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
