When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
