I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
