Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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