Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sarcasm needs its own font
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize