Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize