More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
