He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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