ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize