I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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