I smell stomach acid.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
