In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
