i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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