Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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