Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
