Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
