If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
