She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
