I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
