does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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