just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
