I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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