Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
