Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
