Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
