Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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