It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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