wrigley field is MILF paradise
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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