Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
