Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
