Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
