May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
