It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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