just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
