This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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