why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize