Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
