i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
