Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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