I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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