she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
