My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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