Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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