The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
