i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
