I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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